i know not a lot of people read xanga anymore so im just gonna put all my feelings out here.i bottle up my emotions so much that i just need to say everything that i have to say.i miss him so much.he makes me feel perfect and wanted. im happy. i smile. i feel safe. yes i know we do agrue but i love him more then i can ever love anybody. hes mine. no we didnt break up. in december he moved out to Gilman. which is 45 minutes away. he still goes to bradley..well next year. he got suspended today. ive seen less of him. and that makes me sad. in april around my birthday we were drifting apart. he acted less like he loved me and that he didnt want me in his life. my friend ben told me to tell him all that was on my mind. everything i felt inside. so i did. honestly, i thought it would break us apart. in some ways it did and in some ways it didnt. he started showing me he cared but still said things that tore me down. he would say that he was a bad boyfriend and that i should just end it. i dont want to but by him saying that it made me feel like he didnt want us to be. he yells at me a lot more too. ive never seen this side of him. i love it when he isnt mad. i miss him all the time. day and night. he fills my every thought. i miss holding hands and just laying down with him. i miss his smile and the way he would kiss my nose like we were kids..lol..we wont spend everyday together. i may only see him once or twice a week. but i hope those times are amazing. days where its just us. and no one else. days where we can love. i want this so much to be perfect even though i know it will never be. i just dont want to lose him. my everything.
